tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post8478819990117447070..comments2023-10-24T06:12:37.287-07:00Comments on Bellyaching and Benedictions: Is this a giveth or taketh away moment?Peevemehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15380650452145936082noreply@blogger.comBlogger13125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-5670501810917233932008-10-22T14:50:00.000-07:002008-10-22T14:50:00.000-07:00I dumped my "friend". I'd had it up to the eyebal...I dumped my "friend". I'd had it up to the eyeballs and beyond with her. We were mainly thrown together because our husbands are(were) good friends. We wouldn't have picked each other. I finally decided I was tired of taking that one for the team, why am I the one having to sacrifice my sanity around here, and walked away. If you're feeling charitable and stable, I'd try to talk to her about it since you guys seem to have been friends a long time. If not, I'd break right the fuck up. Sanity is a fleeting, precious thing and shouldn't be squandered on people with no clue how much they're using up! <BR/><BR/>Just my opinion....Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-65630431317603418572008-10-21T19:36:00.000-07:002008-10-21T19:36:00.000-07:00I think we have the same friend. And, I've respon...I think we have the same friend. And, I've responded the same way. It's just too hard and they don't get it. They are too egocentric to think about what might actually be going on. I feel your pain.Katehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09377141517307237964noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-54503290701158578062008-10-21T10:50:00.000-07:002008-10-21T10:50:00.000-07:00ack. an annoying kind of friend. I have one of t...ack. an annoying kind of friend. I have one of those too. <BR/><BR/>first I'll say what kind of person plans her who birthday party then lets everyone else pay for it? <BR/><BR/>I haven't read the other comments but I don't think you should subject yourself to her. the issue for me is, is her friendship worth trying to salvage maybe some day down the line? not now, but if you were in a different place and could deal with her. because obviously you were friends for a reason. <BR/><BR/>if you think it is, I might want to just get her off my back right now and say something like you're going through a pretty rough time right now and not really up to seeing her. no need to elaborate, you don't want to talk about it. but it gets you off the hook.lunahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15455301696832647867noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-2787306607160406252008-10-21T09:43:00.000-07:002008-10-21T09:43:00.000-07:00I admire you taking so much thought toward the sit...I admire you taking so much thought toward the situation. To me that means that the friendship might be worth saving.<BR/><BR/>(HUGS!) That is a tough boat to be in.Chellehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02462827829231769285noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-60681606564257093362008-10-21T09:13:00.000-07:002008-10-21T09:13:00.000-07:00PeeveMe-This is so hard. I can relate to much of t...PeeveMe-<BR/>This is so hard. I can relate to much of this. <BR/><BR/>My "BFF" cashed in big time when she married a Go.oogle millionaire. She went from living in a tiny studio apt. in SF to living in a mansion in a very exclusive part of the bay area. She had the gigantic extravagant wedding I couldn't have afforded--of course I did all the flowers at cost for them--two months after my miscarriage, no less--and then they were pregnant within 6 months. She chose to give me the news of her pregnancy at a birthday get together--when I was already feeling despondent about turning 35 and still not being pregnant after our miscarriage. (Fortunately we adopted our son a few months later). She has a maid, a gardener, a rich husband, and is a full-time stay at home mom. When I do see her she asks me: 1. Is my son potty trained yet? She's doing "elimination communication" 2. does he know sign language? Hers does,of course. 3. Other annoying questions that point out my lack of time to spend at home with my child, because, you know, I HAVE TO WORK because INFERTILITY and ADOPTION expenses have crippled us. (GRR!!!)<BR/><BR/>Meanwhile, her son just turned one and they are working on number 2. I don't know, they could be pregnant already but I don't want to know and haven't asked. I avoid her calls. I avoid her emails. I avoid her. I have thought many times of "breaking up" because we are in such different worlds now. And sometimes I just can't handle her.<BR/><BR/>Sorry to make this comment all about ME--like you need another self-centered friend. It's just to say that I relate, I get it--it's such a hard choice, and bravo to you for looking hard at it. I don't have any assvice, since I'm in the same boat over here. <BR/><BR/>We should really get together, this is ridiculous.Frenchiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07549739192754072138noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-57077041820893115232008-10-21T08:47:00.000-07:002008-10-21T08:47:00.000-07:00As I was reading this and reading about your frien...As I was reading this and reading about your friend I kept thinking, "Man, I bet she (the friend) would kill to have your life."<BR/><BR/>Think about it... She can throw money (or at least her parents can) at just about anything and everything is done for her. Wedding, house, husband, she can even afford to have someone have kids for her if she wants! How fulfilling is that? She flaunts what she has because it's <I>all</I> she has. Really, what else does she have to show for herself and for her life other than things? Things that she never had to work hard to gain... It's very possible that she looks at you and what you have - the bonds you have with others - and she can't understand why she doesn't have that or feel that way with anyone. It's because the only attachment she's ever bothered to establish is the one she has with money. Whatever she can achieve by financial means she's bound to throw in your face, not because she's being vicious, but because it's all she knows how to do.<BR/><BR/>This friend has her own set of suffering I'm sure she's kept hidden away from the world. Those high maintenance types want everyone to believe they "have-it-all" and life comes so easily to them. If life were easy for rich people, they wouldn't be the ones in the tabloids (like Paris Hilton who is nothing more than an heiress) making headlines for drugs, s*x, and bad behavior. Rich people can have it all, but they pay a price too.<BR/><BR/>You're hurting and your pain is completely understandable. I can sympathize with your friends pain too. As your friend, I think, at the very least, she deserves the right to know why you aren't ready to meet her baby yet. Her reaction to that is all her own. If she can't understand, then perhaps she's not a very good friend.<BR/><BR/>I have to admit... sometimes I'm afraid of telling my friends things too in fear that they are going to react a certain way or say something inappropriate that will hurt me... I'm always surprised by their responses... Give her a chance...<BR/><BR/>{{{HUGS}}}Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-32807875251647167212008-10-21T06:04:00.000-07:002008-10-21T06:04:00.000-07:00Oh boy. This is cuch a tough one because I have ha...Oh boy. This is cuch a tough one because I have had friends just like this. I dumped her. It was during an IVF cycle about 4 years ago and she just did something so insensitive to me announcing her pregnancy. It was torture. Anywho- I just stpooed talking to her to preserve my own santity. I do wish though that I had told her what it was that pushed me away. Maybe she could have used it to think about her actions- who knows. <BR/>I think you have to weigh your freindship with her against keeping yourself sane.<BR/>DanielleDCathttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07218075152986343665noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-49233458039169686342008-10-21T05:55:00.000-07:002008-10-21T05:55:00.000-07:00It's your friend, your situation, and your emotion...It's your friend, your situation, and your emotions - obviously - but I too have a very dear lovely high maintenance friend who makes me insane sometimes and therefore think I have some idea of what you're talking about. Here is what I would be thinking about if I were in your shoes. First is that it sounds from what you've written here like your friend doesn't have enough info for her NOT to be annoying, even if she was a sensitive type - the situation with its ambiguities is set up to bring out the worst in her. Second is that when we are feeling very fragile is probably not the best time to make big emotional decisions like whether you want to kill an old friendship. So I would be inclined in your shoes to find a way to tell my friend "I'm really sorry but I have to be AWOL for a while, I will be back, it's nothing personal" while giving no details that could cause further insertion of foot in mouth. It may be that later you still feel like the friendship ain't worth it and then you don't have to go back, but this at least leaves the door open and hopefully leads to minimal hurt for you.<BR/><BR/>Having said that, I lost a friend instantly when after I told her my sister-in-law had just died unexpectedly she said "oh." then changed the subject to talk cheerfully about her own life. I knew it was petty but I could never get over that. So this certainly does not come from a place of Being a Perfect Friend!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-72817439963450027382008-10-21T05:33:00.000-07:002008-10-21T05:33:00.000-07:00I have been in this friendship boat a lot lately w...I have been in this friendship boat a lot lately with many of my friends.<BR/><BR/>The one thing I am learning is the basic rule my Dad taught me from a young age... "a tiger doesn't change its spots".<BR/><BR/>It really is true. I don't have the high maintenance BFF anymore. I found I was hurt more of the time and happy with her a lot less of the time, so the cord was cut.<BR/><BR/>I say give her an opportunity to redeem herself, but if you so much as don't feel she's listening and actively trying to be there for you... run for the hills.Shellihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11069416566542236599noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-14918692992521257682008-10-21T01:20:00.000-07:002008-10-21T01:20:00.000-07:00Hey there my dear,I am really hoping your 30k will...Hey there my dear,<BR/><BR/>I am really hoping your 30k will turn into someone she can meet - given time.<BR/><BR/>I have a similar friend - and I think I agree with bleu - time out, time away... you will still be friends when this time has passed. <BR/><BR/>Good luck my dear - My finger's are crossed.andihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06370379203789421615noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-55626742358747371732008-10-20T18:28:00.000-07:002008-10-20T18:28:00.000-07:00Here is my 2 cents.I don't think you are capable o...Here is my 2 cents.<BR/><BR/>I don't think you are capable of being a good friend right now to her, for tons of reasons. She may or may not be able to be a friend to you but that is not really the point, you aren't there right now and you need to let her know.<BR/><BR/>I had a friend I had to let know I couldn't be around for a while because of my IF issues and her new baby. I felt awful but it was better being up front rather than avoiding.<BR/><BR/>If you are meant to have a lasting friendship you will both weather the separation but you stressing and hiding from her is no good for either of you.<BR/><BR/>As for meeting her daughter, I can understand he having hurt feelings but maybe tell her it is just too painful for you and brings up too much and you DON"T want to discuss it you just need to try and comfort yourself right now.<BR/><BR/>Much love hun.bleuhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00467701792949981337noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-41933705252028278292008-10-20T18:07:00.000-07:002008-10-20T18:07:00.000-07:00I do agree with Summer.Also, I wanted to say Hi! ...I do agree with Summer.<BR/>Also, I wanted to say Hi! I found you on Cyclesista. I am also on the BDP waiting to start my cycle with my egg donor. Good luck to you with this cycle.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5620726426762951650.post-24111348582141150802008-10-20T18:02:00.000-07:002008-10-20T18:02:00.000-07:00I'm just going by what you have posted here and it...I'm just going by what you have posted here and it seems to me you are saying you'd like to give her a chance but are afraid that she will hurt you even more because she may be so caught up in her life that she can't give you the compassion that you need.<BR/><BR/>My feeling is 2 and if she can't be there for you, then 4. Her self-centeredness doesn't seem like a temporary situation. For me, being a great friend once in five years wouldn't be worth the energy and time.Summerhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10462071403127406819noreply@blogger.com