Friday, May 22, 2015

We have a draft contract

OK, I don't expect that anyone is reading this as it happens but perhaps some day in the future someone will stumble onto this and it will help.

Well it's good to have a lawyer in the bunch because Intended Mother has whipped up a contract.  Since the law is so ill-defined it has pretty strong language and repetitive language but that is to protect everyone.  Certainly they do not want us to have any claim to the intended children and we don't want to have any responsibilities.

I guess Mr. Peeveme and I will sit down when we have the time. Then we go back and forth with the Intended Parents on the contract language. Once we think we have it settled we'll both send this to our lawyers (Note to self:contact a lawyer).

Both couples need to see a therapist.  There maybe a few more hoops but essentially, once we sign the contract and clinic has what it needs to move forward it will be a done deal.  Pretty straight forward.

What is not straight forward in the emotional part.    I want this to donation to happen and I am very excited for the Intended Parents but I am still a little sad.  I really wanted more babies.  I wanted to be pregnant again. I wanted to breastfeed again. I know that wont happen and I am sad but accepting of that.  I want these excellent embryos to become awesome humans...just like Bambina.  I feel loss that I wont be able to see them. I don't want to mother them...I just want to know them.  I understand that it is probably is best for all involved to have some distance.  I know that.  But I still want.  At least it is a want and not a need.  Wants are easier to ignore.  What I don't want to ignore is if Bambina feels she needs to see the Intended Children.  Not sure how you write that into a contract.  I don't think you  can.

Until now I thought that seeing the therapist was just something to check off on the 'ol to-do list. Now I think I might have something I need to discuss.

Monday, May 18, 2015

Not so soon...

Well this is interesting.  Prior to 2008 in California, egg donors got to decide if the receiving couple could transfer the embryos to anyone else.  I always thought they were ours (Mr. Peeveme and mine). I'm a little mad that I was not told about this.  Since the donation happened a long time ago, the medical records are in deep storage and it will be a few days before we know how the egg donor responded to the question of if she wanted the receiving couple to be able to transfer the resulting embryos to someone else.

I hope to hear very soon.  The clinic said that it was unusual for someone to donate eggs and then not allow the donation of the embryos.  I did not tell the potential receiving couple. No need to make them worry. I am sure they have been through enough worry and heart ache.   If it's good news (which it likely is) then they don't need to worry. If not, at least they had a nice weekend.  

Friday, May 8, 2015

And just like that...Embryo Donation

Well Friends, I am alive and living life with my two kids and husband. Busy, but good. A couple job changes, a few moves..all for the good.  The kids are 8 and 5! Back in the infertile days I would wish for just a 10 second glimpse into my future just so I could know how it all turned out. And now I am that future.

And then the cryo bill went from $40/month to $125/month and it forced me to decide what to do with the embryos.   It's not the finances...but after 5+ years it is time to decide and act.  For me, I had always thought that giving them to another family was the best decision for us.  I did not want to destroy them or leave them to science. No judgement at all on what others do.  It is a really difficult decision.

I have halfheartedly looked at some sites. Decided that if we did give them away to another family that we would go with donation rather than adoption. Again, no judgement on those who choose embryo adoption.

Two weeks ago I found a couple and just thought "it's them".  It took us about a week or so of information exchange and googling about each other. They saw our family blog with pictures of Bambina and Mr. Peeveme.  Then they said they'd love to be the recipients. We said we'd love to have them be the recipients.  It was that fast.  It was that uncomplicated. And just like that we have a match.

Recipient Mom has an informational appointment with the clinic next week.  I guess I should have one too?  I think I need to hire a lawyer?

I am starting to feel sad...loss.  I am still going through with the match but I am sad.  I love them (the embryos), I would have them all if I could.  Why is letting them go to another family hard?

Just like when I decided to do DE I know that, while I am sad and conflicted now, years down the line this will have been a great decision. I trust that otherwise I would not be doing this.  But for now I am sad and conflicted but resolute that this is right for all of us (the Peevemes, the embryos and their parents).

And just like that this has become an embryo donation blog from the perspective of the donors.