I realize that many of you look at my widget and think I'm so close...any day now territory but not I. For a number of reasons I am not feeling very "impending".
1) Not counting due dates before they hatch: Just a little mind trick I need to play with myself. If you are training for a marathon you DON'T train up to mile 22 do you? Those last few miles are the hardest and most important to mentally/physically prepared for.
Remember my pregnant co-worker? In her 3rd trimester I marveled at how calm she was, how much energy she had, how little she complained. I was just really impressed (which does not happen often). She had it in her mind that she had to make it to a certain date based on her work load. Once she got past that date it would be ok for her to leave but she planned on working right up until she had the baby becasue she doesn't have much vacation or sick leave (and there is no maternity leave. That date was 2 weeks before her due date. Once she got to that date she suddenly became too tired to work, complained often, and felt "done". Did her physical situation change? Not really. She lost her mental game. Once she made it past one arbitrary date she simply imploded. I wont implode. I can't afford to implode.
2) Wont be one of those whining pregnant ladies: I can't tell you how much it bothers me when women complain that they "done" being pregnant. Yes, complain about heartburn, back aches, painful kicks, swelling, that you want to meet your baby but don't say you don't want to be pregnant anymore (unless you have a medical condition or your baby is REALLY big or you have multiples). IDK..it just seems wrong to me if you are healthy to wish a birth before your baby is ready. I guess all those years of infertility changed my mindset. Yes, I am uncomfortable, yes I want to hold my baby, yes, yes, yes. I am not any less uncomfortable than any other pregnant lady...and I'd say I'm MORE anxious to see my baby (given all that we went through to get here). But I just can't to take this for granted. I still rub my belly lovingly and remark how much I will miss this special tine with Bambina (and then I pop a Tums).
3) Piccolina was late. 11 days late. Everyday I went to work. Everyday I'd leave work vowing to return the next day. I knew I would be wrong at some point but I just didn't feel like she was going to be on time let alone early. While 2nd babies tend to be a bit earlier I don't think we'll be 11 days late but I am certainly mentally prepared to go well beyond my due date.
4) Unmediated labor: Having done unmediated labor while induced....I gotta say....I'm not looking forward to doing it again. Hopefully I will not be induced but if I must be I know a whole lot more about it and will be able to competently have some input into the manner and severity. I firmly believe in unmedicated/low intervention labors...I'm just not looking forward to it. Makes it a little easier to wait out these last few days.
5) Not being a very patient person I see this as a way to work on being patient. Just going with the flow.
6) She'll come when she's ready. I believe that. This pregnancy is about her, not me.
7) Full moon: Piccolina was late but she finally arrived on the full moon. The full moon is on Friday so I think we'll make it to at least then. I know, not very scientific but it's a nice thought.
At my last Dr. appointment they offered and internal...I declined. It does not tell you much of anything. It can introduce risk of infection. It hurts like a Mo Fo. I have no signs of labor...not even Braxton Hick (that I am aware of). So why bother?
They offered an appointment for the next week if I wanted it. But we both decided it was probably not necessary. So we held off for 2 weeks. If I go into labor I know what to do. So my next appointment is tomorrow. Pee, blood pressure, heart beat. I might do the internal just to see if anything is going on down there so I can at least make some tentative plans (I have a lot to get done at work before I leave so it will tell me if I will need to put in some evenings or not).
So that's it. Still pregnant. Being patient. Hugely uncomfortable and tired but I know that's how I'm supposed to feel. I'm just hanging on to enjoying being pregnant becasue it still feels like a miracle.
p.s. My pants are tight.