The donor will likely trigger tonight! Which means ER on Thursday. Starting tonight my medicines change. While this cycle has been going on for weeks and weeks now it feels like it's finally starting for real today. At least for me.
The Dr. estimates she'll have about 10-12 mature eggs. I don't want to quibble but does that sound "loaded" to you? To me "loaded" means like in the realm of 20 or more. Don't get me wrong....10-12 is amazing and more that I ever produced. With each IVF they got 7 eggs...four of which were mature...so I had 8 mature eggs over 2 IVF's. Ten -12 is super. I know it's not all about the numbers...it's about the quality. If those are mostly viable then we'd have more than enough. Who needs 15 embryos on ice that we can never use? Not me. I just want enough for 2 kids. Yes, I am a greedy bitch. I want siblings for Piccolina. I want more than one child from the donor so that they have each other. I want to have enough kids that they crowd us out of our bed on Sunday mornings. I want enough kids to fill up my nearly empty mini van. I want.
All I'm saying is that my Re should probably get a dictionary and a thesaurus because 10 is not loaded. It's good. Not Loaded. I'm not being greedy (ok a little greedy)it's more an issue of word use and expectation management.
It's so hard to manage expectations when doing a donor cycle. I was great at managing them when using my own eggs. I knew the odds were against me. It just seems like when you go to your plan c, a plan I never planned on, it should work. It should just work (twice).
I'm already trying to figure out how I will get a Beta on Thanksgiving...how and where I will get the follow-up Beta when I am out of town. How pregnant would I be at Christmas (8 weeks) and wondering if I would break my rule of not telling until at least 10 weeks (and 2 viability scans) because all the family will be in town and it would be so great to announce it then. Realizing that the worst of my morning sickness would happen in January when things are slow for me at work. Then I worry I am getting too excited. Too confident.
I did only buy a 1-month supply of my pre-natal vitamins..so you know...I do have some sense that this might not work. Sometimes my feet are on the ground.
But each time the Dr. calls me and tells me how great things look I hang up my i-phone and I can feel my face doing something strange. A sensation I vaguely remember. I thinks it's called smiling. I even cried yesterday when he told me that things were going so well. Cried becasue I was happy. Who does that? I'll tell you who. Happy people. Why the heck am I so happy? A dozen eggs on an u/s does not necessarily mean a baby in my arms. It's still so far away. It might not happen.
I want. And for once it feels like it might happen. It doesn't feel like such a long shot.