It's not you it's me

So I guess I should write where I am with all this trying to have another baby crap. Right now I'm waiting for Af so I can go back to my old clinic. I agonized over the choice...and now that I finally decided and have my heart set on it..it looks like AF will not cooperate so I'll have to go back to my newer RE with my tail between my legs.

Back in 2005 when I started infertility treatment I was happy to have all testing and iui's covered by insurance at a place I shall call "Big Hospital". I paid a $5 co-cap for visits and meds. It's a big hospital and a big hassle but the actual RE clinic was great. The RE clinic in Big Hospital was had outgrown their physical plant and getting seen was difficult. There was a long wait list to start and once you were in I routinely had to wait 45 mins for my appointments, labs took forever, pharmacy was a huge line of people. Plus they are a 45 min drive from my house. However, they were great and because of them I have what I was trying to get...a baby.

When IVF time came while trying to make baby #2 the wait list at Big Hospital was long. It would take a few months to get seen. So I went with Big-Fancy Re clinic because they could get me in a few months before Big Hospital clinic. I found Big-Fancy clinic a bit cookie cutter. Sure they were nice but I don't need nice. I'm not new to this, I do my research, I'm a realist. I'm there for the meds...not the hugs. Ok, a hug would be nice but really..I want a baby. My IVF nurse and I didn't get along. I didn't want BCP for suppression...but they big fat made me do it anyway. And then there was this whole false-positive hepatitis B thing..Department of Health involvement...they made me feel so dirty. (turns out none of us have the HEP but man those were some stressful days)

Once IVF #1 was a bust I went for a consult with Big Hospital clinic. I liked the Dr. Plus...and here is the kicker...their SART rates are TWICE AS HIGH! Seriously...there is no comparison. They are a huge pain in the ass given the hassles of dealing with Big Hospital but those concerns are secondary. I want a baby (did I mention that already?). So I decided to go with them. I could never forgive myself if I didn't give myself the best chance possible for happiness. Made calls for Big Fancy to transfer my files. Let Big Fancy RE know my decision. He was very nice about it but still...I'm really uncomfortable with that sort of stuff. He said that many women can't get into Big Hospital and come to him. He said they often turn away women with high FSH...well not turn them away but because of the wait list many women come to him. If/When it didn't work out with Big Hospital I could come back to Big Fancy. I thanked him to not talk about my new boyfriend RE like that. He didn't know Big Hospital like I did. Big Hospital and I would find happiness together. You can't keep us apart!

Now if AF does not come by June 12 Big Hospital wont be able to do my IVF until Sept/Oct. Um, wish I had known that before I broke up with my other RE. I can't wait that long. So back to Big Fancy I shall go. If he'll still have me.