Friday, June 6, 2008

Oh, now I'm the Asshole?

The RE clinic at Big Hospital was in the regular OB/GYN office. There were old women there, young women there, pregnant women there, women with kids there. I wasn't happy to see these loving, cooing mothers and their offspring but I dealt. After all, one day I hoped to have kids to take along to my pap-smears. Who wouldn't? Actually I do understand that women have kids...and need to have pap smears..and you can't leave your kids in the car right? (Seriously, you can't...for a blood draw maybe but a pants-off appointment you need to take the little buggers with you.)

So, I get pregnant and have a baby (yea....the baby thing doesn't always follow the pregnant thing. I know how lucky I am). When she was about 7 months old I knew I better get going on the baby thing. I started trying when I was 33..I was then 37...it ain't going to get any easier. So off I go to the RE with a 7 month old in tow. I felt the appropriate amount of guilt over this but hey, I dealt with it all those months. It's just how it is. It's a regular OB/GYN office after all. I'm not an asshole. Just someone who lacked day-care and needed my Gonal-F fix.

Well, what did Big Hospital Clinic do over those months I was pregnant? They REMODELED. Now the RE clinic was separated from the OB/GYN. The infertiles had been quarantined. So not only did I suffer all those months sitting next to the fertiles and their offspring...now I was inflicting that hurt on other infertiles. Now I'm the asshole?.

4 comments:

Renovation Girl said...

oooo, I totally get this post. When I was going through primary infertility, I was going to a small RE whose office was very laid back and there were often families there. It stung. I understood, but it was really difficult. A few years later dealing with secondary infertility, I had to take my son with me once. I felt terrible. But, sometimes, you just have to. I kept telling myself that it would give others hope. (Although, I will admit to being very annoyed with a couple who had a maybe 3 month old baby with them because they were starting treatments again...even with a kid at home, that one bugged the crap out of me!)

Duck said...

I find it hard when there is toddlers at my RE, I have never seen an actual baby sized critter there, so I imagine that you may get some hurtful looks, it's not that they have anything against you, they just would give anything to have what you have.
Good luck

Paranoid said...

I struggled with this a lot. There are just so many doctor's appointments with IVF, and I don't have a babysitter. My 2.5-year-old ends up coming with me much more often than I'd like.

Once, though, I apologized to a nurse for having M with me. She said "don't be sorry - kids are the whole reason we're here. We love seeing them" That made me feel better.

seriously? said...

You aren't the a-hole. I have to admit I sometimes hate to see babies at the GYN. It is just envy though. Ok maybe sometimes I think in my head "you already have one, stop being greedy" but again that is just envy...

Thanks for stopping by my blog. The donation is a good idea, since my husband and I are on three vounteer EMS angecies I might make the donation to one of them.