Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Mortified

I wrote this a few years ago. Sorry for the recycle. Also, I'm waiting for my CD3 blood work. I took it on Friday and still no answer. I know it's not a beta but still. You all know how a poor responder lives and dies by that FSH!


This involves a bathroom situation and has nothing to do with TTC so look away if you're not into that.

At work we have a female "staff" bathroom that requires a key and is a single, private bathroom so you can go in peace. When I walk up to the door and see the red "occupied" sign I turn and use the public bathroom or just come back later. I DO NOT WAIT BY THE DOOR. First, I think that's rude and I HATE it when people do it to me. Second, I don't really want to know who was in there before me.

About a year ago I was in the bathroom doing my business then I washed my hands and opened the door to leave and there is a faculty member (really nice, cool woman) standing right there. I was a bit surprised to see someone standing there because I didn't hear her walk up and I did not see her feet down by the air-vent levers in the door. (I watch these air-vent levers like a HAWK least someone should walk in on me. I must be ever- vigil and prepared to yell, "OCCUPIED" the moment I hear a key enter the key-hole. This particular door opens up to a large and crowded courtyard. I would DIE if someone opened that door while I was on the pot. I have actually done that to someone {opened the door while they were in the bathroom} ...in fact I have done that to the same women 3 times! No shit...Talk about embarrassing. The prospect of that moment haunts me every time I use the bathroom.) Anyhow, this nice faculty woman is standing there and we exchange pleasantries as she goes into the bathroom and I CRINGE cuz, well, to be blunt, I stunk up the place. Hey, it happens. To this day I still can't look her in the eye.

When I got home I told Mr. Peeveme about my embarrassing moment and he said, "You didn't warn her?" And I was like, "No way! What am I supposed to say? Besides, you aren't supposed to WAIT there." He contended, "You should at least tell her to give it a minute unless you don't like her". So that has been in the back of my head for the past few months. (BTW...the "unless you don't like her" part kills me. Who makes that kind of distinction?)

Flash forward to today. I'm at work and it's about 5pm. I have to stay until 9pm. I just had iui#7 today so I'm a bit crampy and I seem to have eaten something that does not agree with me. I try to wait it out until later in the evening so that there aren't so many people on campus. By 6pm I can wait no longer. There I am in my private bathroom and I can hear someone walk up to the door. She's not going away. She's standing by the door waiting for me. I think I'll wait her out. Most times after about 30 seconds or so the person gives up and moves onto the public bathroom which, I might point out, is 10 FEET AWAY!

After a while she knocks on the door. I meekly say, "Ummmm, yes?" I hear her say, "Oh, ok.", AND SHE CONTINUES TO WAIT THERE. After a long while I'm thinking, "OK lady, you win." and get ready to leave. While washing my hands I am playing over what Mr. Peeveme told me. It's better to warn people. So I take a figurative-deep breath and open the door. I have never seen this woman before but still I'm going to do the right thing and warn her.

I'm trying to close the door but she's trying to go right in. So I somewhat block her by keeping my hand on the doorknob. I say, "Wow, this is really embarrassing but I ate something today that seems to have made me sick and I need to apologize in advance and warn you that you probably should use the other bathroom. And she says, "Oh sweetie are you ok?" I say, " I'm fine but, as embarrassed as I am, I can't let you go in there without a warning.". Then she asks me about getting a key to this bathroom (I guess she does not have a key). I let her know that if she is an employee she can get a key at the front office. "Are you an employee?, I ask. She says , "Yes, I'm Connie and I teach English. What do you teach?" I tell her my name and that I'm an Administrator. Geeze, Peeveme, way to crack under pressure. I could have MADE UP A NAME AND SUBJECT. What's so hard about saying, I'm Beth and I teach physics?" The likelihood of me ever seeing her again is slim. I could hear my brain screaming, "Shut up, Shut up", but do I? Nope, I keep right on talking.

"Well Connie, it's nice to met you and again, I'm really sorry about, ya know, in there but at least you wont soon forget me huh?" Good Lord, what was I thinking?

I get to my office, call Mr. P and tell him what happened. He's like, "Why did you do that?" I'm like, "YOU TOLD ME TO". "No" he says, "I told you to tell them to give it a minute. I didn't tell you to introduce yourself."

I still say it's Mr. Peeveme's fault. Ok maybe 10% me, 30% him and 60% Connie. Who waits by the door? And who STILL goes in after being warned?

I'm done doing good deeds. From now on it's everyman for himself. You're on your own, Connie.

5 comments:

Marie said...

This is the second time you have written a post that made me bust out laughing at work. Similar thing happened to me but I was at Dollar General, the lady opened the door (all the way) and everyong in the checkout line saw me (makin a poopie face) because I was not concentrating on the door but on the business at hand. *sigh*

Lori said...

So funny!

Someone should write a book on poopiquette.

My sisters and I actually have a collection of PHSs -- Poop Horror Stories. Like when the public toilet won't flush at the worst times.

kate said...

Oh, god. I'm so with you on that. Who waits when there's another option??? I agree with lori that there should be some sort of poopiquette manual drawn up that all women have to sign and agree to.

Chelle said...

LOL! I can't believe Connie waited! What kind of person waits!? I am still laughing...

tryingtoconceive said...

THIS is a good post! I myself cringe at the thought of going #2 in public, and will only do so in absolute emergencies. I tell my friends I have a shy bowel.

I also have learned not to use the unisex potty in my office in the afternoon! Thanks for sharing!