Monday, September 8, 2008

Problems with Donor #1

Looking at how uncertain this DE thing can be I was uncomfortable that I only had one potential donor. Last week I started to consider the donor pool that my clinic has. It can take some time before my mind opens to other possibilities. I tend to decide something and have a hard time seeing any other path. I found one that I thought might be good for us. As time wore on she began to appeal to me more and more.

Based upon the events of last week I am so glad I did. Otherwise I'd be an emotional mess right now.

It started last week when I got an e-mail from the Donor Bank telling me that the donor would not be available until Nov/Dec. I started to freak out but then decided to breath and take stock of the situation. I could wait for her and then get no guarantee that she would be ready then either. I could ask my clinic about the in-house donor. After a day or two I decided that I would move forward with the in-house donor (if possible...again....everything is uncertain no matter what I decide I want). I could still wait until Nov but I wanted to feel like I had another option.

And then I got this e-mail on Saturday:

She's open to a donation at a later date (in Nov or December).

I was waiting for some of her past donor cycle sheets and received them today. I've been informed that her next donation will be her 7th egg donation (which we didn't know about since she works with other clinics/agencies). We typically stop working with a donor around this time. I would suggest speaking with your clinic to see if they will work with a donor that's is going on her 7th egg donation.

After hearing that, I was strongly leaning towards not going with her for a few reasons. 1) it seems unhealthy/unethical to do that many cycles. 2) that's a-lot of potential siblings out there. 3) I begin to question the mental stability of someone who does that many donations with multiple agencies(I realize that is unfair, unfounded and potentially hypocritical but it's what I think).

So my 2nd alternative just became my first. Actually, my sister likes the in-house donor more than the Egg Bank donor and as I have had a few days to look over her profile I have also cottoned to her.

This morning I get this e-mail from the Egg Bank:

It looks like the donor would not be ready to start anything until December, with an egg retrieval in January or February 2009. She has also told me she has received higher compensation from her last donations 5th and 6th. I've explained that our highest donor compensation is $7,000, but that I can ask the recipients if they would be okay with paying more.

While our agencies policy is to keep within the guidelines of the Ethics Committee for the American Society of Reproductive Medicine, many other agencies do not follow these guidelines and offer donors higher compensation. We feel it's fair to keep the costs down for compensation. I understand if you feel the same way we do and would prefer to stay with a donor compensation of $7,000 or less.

This is just not feeling right. I completely believe in compensation but this woman seems to be running a business out of her ovaries. I realize this is sensitive and I don't mean to be offensive and dismissive of egg donors. I have the utmost respect for this case I'm thinking the donor does not respect herself.

So, no freak out. Just listening to my gut and breathing and trying to be flexible. I'm just hoping the in-house donor works out.


bleu said...

I think you are listening to your gut and that is good. The egg bank donor has some red flags coming up in my eyes and it is ALWAYS good to heed those early on.

I also think keeping trying to breathe is the best bet!!!

Peeveme said...

Blue, whenever I begin to freak out I think of you and hear your clam voice in my head (weird because I have never "heard" your actual "voice".) I hear you telling me to breath.

Summer said...

I've been lurking on your blog for awhile. I don't think I've ever commented before. I just went through a DE cycle in April that turned out to be successful.

You have to go with your gut feelings and I too, think there are just too many red flags with donor#1.

I hope donor #2 works out!

soapchick said...

I agree with you and everyone else. Forget the donor bank chick. 7 cycles, plus wanting more money - that's not who you want. I'm sure your clinic will come up with a good donor for you.

Shelli said...

Yeah, go with your gut... its usually the right decision.

I'll be following you closely since we may indeed be on the same path again. It sucks that we have so much in common, but is really wonderful that we get to share our experiences along the way.

Ophelia said...

Wow that's pretty crazy.. 7 donations? That doesn't give me a warm fuzzy feeling either!

GL hun!