Do you guys remember the friend I was having trouble with? Many of you commented with great advice which I did follow. I wrote to her, apologize for not being a good friend and explained why I was not being a good friend without getting into too much detail. Basically, I gave her the opportunity to be a friend to me becasue I was pretty-much just freezing her out each time she requested I come and visit her and her new baby.
Her response made me cry (in a good way) and the friendship is saved and I own it all to you! So thanks.
First, I am so sorry you are hurt that I have not been there for you. I am aware (and feel terribly) that I have not seen Daughter or your new home. I know that I have been particularly bad (worse than usual) about returning your calls. I am sorry I am not being a good friend to you. I admit, own it and honestly apologize to you for it.
The fact is I am not able to be a good friend to you right now. I just can't do the things you want me to do. It's more than just being busy (although being a career mother without any help is a large part of it). The past few years have been very hard on me and it just seems to have escalated in the past few months. I am in the midst of some very heavy medical, financial and emotional stuff. I need you to understand and accept that I can't be there to meet your needs right now. I also don't want to explain a whole lot about what I'm going through. I just need to get through it and hope I come out the other end intact.
In a word I am overwhelmed. I'm simply not in a place to give. Honestly, I have been avoiding your calls becasue I feel pressured and guilty and I am not able to handle that right now.
I do value your friendship and I am sorry I am hurting you but until I get through this rough patch I need your compassion.
Thank you for letting me know what is up. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through some horrible stuff right now. I understand your not wanting to talk about it - when Daughter was diagnosed with her heart stuff, I didn't want to talk to anyone at first. But I consider you one of my best friends, so please know that I'll be thinking about you and praying for you and when you are ready to fill me in, I am here.
I am a little confused by your references to "giving", "doing the things you want me to do" and "meeting my needs". I don't need anything. I just wanted to see you and have you meet Daughter and I couldn't understand why you weren't making any effort to do so, and now I understand why. I'm sorry if that came across as my being needy. I value your friendship as well and my view was that I want to spend time with you so that our friendship can be nurtured and continue to grow. Now that you've shared this with me, I completely get why nurturing our friendship is not on your short list right now :) As your friend I'd like to be there for you so please let me know if there is anything I can do help! I know you are not really the type of person to ask for help, but since I don't know what the problems are, I'm not sure what to offer. So just know that I love you and I am here for you and please don't hesitate to ask if there is anything I can do.
And then I cried like the "big-fat girl" that I am. She could not have written a better response.