Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Update on that friend of I was annoyed with. Subtitle: You guys were right!

Do you guys remember the friend I was having trouble with? Many of you commented with great advice which I did follow. I wrote to her, apologize for not being a good friend and explained why I was not being a good friend without getting into too much detail. Basically, I gave her the opportunity to be a friend to me becasue I was pretty-much just freezing her out each time she requested I come and visit her and her new baby.

Her response made me cry (in a good way) and the friendship is saved and I own it all to you! So thanks.

( me)
Hi Sweetie,

First, I am so sorry you are hurt that I have not been there for you. I am aware (and feel terribly) that I have not seen Daughter or your new home. I know that I have been particularly bad (worse than usual) about returning your calls. I am sorry I am not being a good friend to you. I admit, own it and honestly apologize to you for it.

The fact is I am not able to be a good friend to you right now. I just can't do the things you want me to do. It's more than just being busy (although being a career mother without any help is a large part of it). The past few years have been very hard on me and it just seems to have escalated in the past few months. I am in the midst of some very heavy medical, financial and emotional stuff. I need you to understand and accept that I can't be there to meet your needs right now. I also don't want to explain a whole lot about what I'm going through. I just need to get through it and hope I come out the other end intact.

In a word I am overwhelmed. I'm simply not in a place to give. Honestly, I have been avoiding your calls becasue I feel pressured and guilty and I am not able to handle that right now.

I do value your friendship and I am sorry I am hurting you but until I get through this rough patch I need your compassion.


Thank you for letting me know what is up. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through some horrible stuff right now. I understand your not wanting to talk about it - when Daughter was diagnosed with her heart stuff, I didn't want to talk to anyone at first. But I consider you one of my best friends, so please know that I'll be thinking about you and praying for you and when you are ready to fill me in, I am here.

I am a little confused by your references to "giving", "doing the things you want me to do" and "meeting my needs". I don't need anything. I just wanted to see you and have you meet Daughter and I couldn't understand why you weren't making any effort to do so, and now I understand why. I'm sorry if that came across as my being needy. I value your friendship as well and my view was that I want to spend time with you so that our friendship can be nurtured and continue to grow. Now that you've shared this with me, I completely get why nurturing our friendship is not on your short list right now :) As your friend I'd like to be there for you so please let me know if there is anything I can do help! I know you are not really the type of person to ask for help, but since I don't know what the problems are, I'm not sure what to offer. So just know that I love you and I am here for you and please don't hesitate to ask if there is anything I can do.


And then I cried like the "big-fat girl" that I am. She could not have written a better response.


Pepper said...

You two are making a girl cry over here! :-)

I'm glad you gave her a chance to understand and I'm glad she does. I think people underestimate how hard it is to not know what happened to make a friendship end and, for the person who did the dumping, to not know what would've happened if you'd given the person one more chance. Now neither of you has to deal with those questions. What a relief that everything worked out so well!

I think your friendship just grew to a new level of deep. Wonderful, wonderful stuff!

Jojobee said...

I haven't read what happened in the past 2 weeks, but reading this post has caught me up on kind of what's going on...

What two beautifully written emails! I love your email to her, I think you couldn't have said things any better! And her response, is the response of an amazing friend :)

Chelle said...

That is really cool. I'm so happy that things worked out.

To A T said...

Yay! So glad your friendship is revived! :)

Anonymous said...

Now that's a true friend hun :) She understands you without understanding your situation and she'll be there to offer you support whenever you're ready to accept it {{{HUGS}}} You're very lucky to have someone like that in your life!

Shelli said...

That is wonderful. What a weight lifted off your soul!

millie said...

Now that's a true friend!

Congrats btw!!!! Just back from a long trip and trying to get caught up. Those are some nice numbers ya got going on.

Andrea said...

So glad you two were able to talk! I hope everything turns out okay for her.

bleu said...

Yay, what a weight off your shoulders. So happy for you both!!

Brenda said...

I'm so happy for both of you. Both of those emails brought me to the verge of tears! I am so happy that things have worked out. The letters that you wrote to eachother are the truly the sign of great friends.

Summer said...

What a great letter you wrote her and what a great response! I'm glad you were both able to put it out there and come away with the friendship intact.