What goes 'round comes 'round

My 20-year high school reunion is this Saturday. I know I sound like a dork but I'm looking forward to it. I'm actually looking forward to seeing people, catching up with what they are doing and where they have been. I sometimes find myself ruminating on past-perceived wrongs, imagined (or real slights), scores to settle but that just sounds like a stupid way to spend my time that evening. I think we all have "baggage" from our teenage years. Who knows, maybe I am the cause of someone else's angst-ridden memories. It's hard to know, especially when you are 17, that your words and actions will affect other people. I'm still working on that as an adult. We all have such power to affect the day, self-perception, mood of others. In little ways and big. Both good and bad.


My plan is to cut people slack for who they were 20 years ago. Goodness know I'm different. I think we all deserve to be (and want to be) recognized for who we are...not pigeon-holed as the clueless 17-year-old we were. We get to evolve.


The thing I dread is the whole, "how many children do you have?" question. And for goodness sake please DO NOT have an award for the person with the most kids. And if they do I will demand additional categories such as: most miscarriages, most IVF's, lowest morphology, any other suggestion?

I have been looking through my high school year book. I know: dork!. Anyhow, I am struck by how pretty and handsome everyone is, fluffy bangs and min-mullets notwithstanding. Even the girls that were not considered pretty....I find them beautiful. The nerdy guys actually look cute. Is it that look of hope and optimism in their young eyes? Face not scared with disappointment? Youthful exuberance? Airbrushing of acne? Why didn't I see it then?


What am I wearing you ask? For this occasion I went for: hot. I am usually somewhat conservative in my dress. Rarely do anything low or high cut. Nothing tight. But I figure I want full credit for keeping my rig somewhat together after 20 years. So I went with a mini-dress and crazy-platform heals. I will be uncomfortable all night. Not that it's physically uncomfortable but I'm not used to dressing so flashy. Strange, I have spent the last 20 years getting a PH.D, building a career, being a community activist. You know, being respectable. But to look at me at my reunion you'd think my occupation of choice was: stripper.

Part of my baggage was that I was a late bloomer. I was always "cute". I was the kind of girl that all the younger guys liked (which drove my younger sister crazy)....not so much the guys in my own class. I had what is now called "frienemies" back then who routinely put me down based on my looks or intellect. Who knows why I put up with it. Who know why they did it. So I guess my wardrobe choice makes sense (as does the Ph.D.) I should probably thank them for being so mean to me. I'm sure they had/have no idea how much their words have affected me.

My point is: I usually go for a more classic, chic look. Saturday I will be mid-crazy Britney. Not bat-crazy, shaved-head Britney. I mean the crotch baring, Paris-befriending Britney. Say what you want she did look pretty hot back then only I will be wearing underpants.

And what's really fun is that I will get to shoot-up my IVF drugs at my reunion. It's one thing to do it in a public bathroom where you don't know anyone. It's another thing entirely to do it in front of people you are trying to impress and convince how great your life is. Ah...good times indeed.


While I'm hoping lots of people come there is one person I know who will not be there. Dave was my best friend in High School. In fact, Dave, Meg and I were three peas in a pod. Inseparable. I think other people envied our friendship. Once we hung out with Mark C. At the end of the day he actually thanked us for letting him be part of our group. He'd always thought it would be fun. I remember thinking at the time that even though we would drift apart as we grew up I knew that I was having one of the best friendships I would ever have.

He and I kept in loose touch over the years. He had called in November 2000 to reconnect. We promised to get together soon. Maybe after the Holidays. Dave died in a car crash a few weeks later.

Here is a portion of what Dave wrote to me in my high school year book:


What can I say to you? You've been so special to me. I've never had a friendship like yours. If I had I would know what to say wouldn't I? I think back to all the times we had......I hope we have many more moments together. A friendship like yours is once-in-a-lifetime. I guess this sounds a little melodramatic but if I never have a friendship like yours again, I will die content knowing that you were my friend. (Sorry, a little morbid). Please take care...don't forget me!!! With all my love to my favorite person in the world, Dave.

I made a astonishing difference in his life and he in mine. It's a reminder of the power I have over others. One that I may not always use wisely. It's a reminder of the power other people have over me if I let them.

I'll be sure to give a nice write-up if anything interesting or funny happens.

Also, Stim-day 8 check-up tomorrow.